Sunday, August 30, 2009

This is the look of my heart....


Tomorrow is Monday, August 31st 2009.

Once a year
in the remaining days that lead up to tomorrow's day, I will undertake to re-evaluate this life that I live. When the last 12 months of my life has been measured and weighed, I dare not permit myself the gall to fashion any particular positive spin onto it just so I can lie to myself that it's been a great past year. Certainly not when cumulative multiple 'Highs' could be so easily overwhelmed by the few dastardly 'Lows' to leave distaste in one's mouth.

This
year, I created a list; an inventory of what currently exist within me and my life, complete with options to retain or discard the things that worked (and is still working) and those that didn't. I will refrain from sharing the more intimate details surrounding this exercise but what moods and feelings I currently harbor, I will reveal via my writings below.

This is the look of my heart
When the unforgiving cold had ravaged through
When it's not camouflaged; not shielded
This is often the look of my heart

Time and again
When heartless painters impose on it
They oft forget a smile to draw
This is thereupon the look of my heart

With each passing encounters
Violations ensues, endured
And days are mourned
This is often the look of my heart

I took chances on all
I reminisce with no regrets
Yet when the all of what is lost
This becomes the look of my heart

Unprovoked, dark unlucky days
Rocked drunken by earthly struggles
Raised a glass to toast I will
The look of this heart; a broken dandelion's heart.

"Forgive me, Lord but the dandelion's heart I am not deserving to keep...."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

How to deal with strife and struggles....


"A dandelion against a whistling wind."

The ascent to the hill of the Lord is through a cumulative collection of small babysteps. For almost all of us who believes in God, it includes even our last dying breath. So I tell you the truth when I say, "Fear not". Release the false urgency you feel within so that you may breathe again. One day, one night or one event solely determines not the final outcome of the journey to this destination. Even if we fail to perform well, even if we utterly mess up, He will forgive and allow us to try again another time. For this is one of the ways of God's grace; to watch the believers who strives to not give up.

"It's going to be a long walk. I ain't going away no where, no time soon. Are you?"

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Dance Of A Dandelion


IT'S RAY....

In time a distance away,
Appeared a day when all seemed right.
A tune beckoned; it's 'Sunday Morning'.
It's gay. It's happy. It's alive.
Akin to being courted by a gentle breeze,
A dandelion dances solo in full glory.
Mesmerised by the beat,
It loses itself in transitionary bliss.

The music fades.
"What's next?", she wondered.
Suddenly it came.
It's this song. It's Ray.
Odd, but it's not the same familiarity she's accustomed to.
For it's like a wind chasing down the dandelion. It's whistled.
Frozen by realization, brace yourself with a little prayer.
It just may be. And it may just be.....

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Ode To An Orange Moon


In the furthest of distance,
An orange half moon I gazed.
Inhaling crisp air of a breezy night,
My thoughts wandered to wonder.
That if from where you stand,
You can witness what I see.
Then in time, you will be in unison with me.
Slowly falling for it too...

Monday, June 08, 2009

Breathe....

Thoughts a sudden pervaded me.
Thoughts ordinary, I think they cannot be.
How can remembrances of you ever be?

Amidst a flashback, a beguiling image of you.
Effortlessly, it pierced my soul the sharpness did.
Whereupon, unsummoned emotions wells up in me.

Silent within my heart, though the tears may be.
Throughout my being, aloud it screams.
A life choked upon bile t'was to taste any less bitter than she.

Breathe.....! Breathe.....!!
God damn it! Breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day, Nurlita 'Bibi' Lukito.


Yang,

I wrote this for you some time ago. Do you remember it? The one thing I didn't do back then was to publish it to my blog. I suppose there's no better time than today to unveil this.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S, BI. 143.

***********************************************************

100... AND BEYOND...

There must be a hundred things I can do,
Yet, I want only to do it with you.

There must be a hundred choices I can have,
But no choice is any choice if it was not over you.

There must be a hundred ways for lovers to say ‘I LOVE YOU’,
So penning this prose is just one of my ways of declaring it to you.

And then there are so many days beyond 100 in my lifetime,
Yet, they all amount to nothingness if spent without you.

I may have lived 100 lifetimes before now;
And wasted that 100 lifetimes searching in vain.
But the pains of the past matters not no more,
Coz by this lifetime, I thank God that I’ve finally found you.

(Thursday, 6th November, 2008)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rais Yatim talks cock! UNHCR sucks!

On the first day of Chinese New Year, I posted a status message on Facebook, which offended a few people. This was my response in anger to an expose that was aired on the 1.00 P.M. news on telly that highlighted the plight of refugees' exploitation by Malaysian immigration authorities. I'll refrain from repeating the remarks I had made on Facebook (and I do sincerely apologise for having made those offensive remarks) but I will not stand down from protesting against the inhumane sufferings of these minority groups.

So for the benefit of those who did not catch the news clip back then and/or for those who do not have access to Malaysia Kini, I'm reproducing an article that was published on the latter today. Readers may then form their own opinions after this.

Uniformed officials accused of trafficking Burmese
K Baradan | Jan 28, 09 10:53am

A scandalous trade in Burmese migrant labour involving Malaysian and Thai officials and international human traffickers is now coming to light.
MCPX

Like thousands of Burmese migrant workers That Zin Myint travelled overland from Rangoon to Bangkok and reached the Thai border where local syndicates, for a hefty bribe, helped him cross into northern Malaysia and move overland to the capital where cheap, unskilled labour is in great demand.

captured detained illegal immigrants 030707











''Don't take my photographs... they will come after me,'' Zin Myint said, referring to Malaysian authorities who now closely monitor local and overseas publications for anti-Malaysia sentiments expressed by migrant work

On arrival Zin Myint 'celebrated' with others from his village and joined some three million - documented and undocumented - Asian migrant workers who live and work here in deplorable conditions.

An estimated 150,000 of these workers are Burmese migrant workers, many of them Kachins and Muslim Rohingyas from Burma's northern Rakhine region.

''We Burmese migrants are sold like fish and vegetables,'' Myint told IPS in an interview in Pudu market, a big wet market in the capital where Burmese migrant workers predominate.

Deported and sold to trafficked

Myint had been arrested, taken to the Thai border and officially 'deported' which actually means getting sold to human traffickers.

''I was robbed of all my cash by both Malaysian and Thai officials and sold to traffickers,'' said Myint.

''I was held in a jungle camp near the border for three weeks until my relatives bought me from the traffickers. I bribed my way back into Malaysia,'' he said, adding that while conditions are tough in Malaysia, they are better than Burma or Thailand.

burmese groups protest unhcr 210109 poster 01''There is food, work and a roof over my head.''

Myint is one of the luckier ones to be arrested and 'deported' only once. He is now considered a leader in the Pudu area and much sought after by other Burmese workers for 'assistance' in avoiding arrest and deportation all over again.

Burmese migrant workers call the trade ''bwan'' (thrown away) or one of the worst forms of human trafficking.

''Malaysia does not recognise key international agreements on the protection of refugees and foreign nationals. Nor does it apply to foreign migrants the same rights and legal protections given to Malaysian citizens,'' said Irene Fernandez, executive director of Tenaganita, a rights NGO that protects migrant workers.

Burmese ‘traded’ like commodity


Human rights activists have long charged that immigration, police and other enforcement officials, including the unpopular voluntary force called Rela, have been ''trading'' Burmese
migrants, especially Rohingyas, to human traffickers in Thailand who then pass them on to deep sea fishing trawler operators in the South China Sea. The women are generally sold into the sex industry.

rela 290507 immigrants being detained













''They are treated as a commodity and frequently bought and sold and we have been condemning this practise for a long time,'' Fernandez said.

''Our demands have always fallen on deaf ears despite the accumulating evidence of the involvement of uniformed officials in the trade,'' said Fernandez.

It has become commonplace for the authorities to use the vigilante 'Rela' force to periodically arrest and 'deport' Rohingyas, but since Burma does not recognise them as citizens, the practise is to take them to the Bukit Kayu Hitam area on the Thai-Malaysia border and force them to cross over into Thailand.

irene fernandez interview 251108 05''They are arrested, jailed and deported, but since they are stateless they are taken to the Thai border and often sold to Thai traffickers,'' said Fernandez.

Invariably, the ''deported'' Rohingyas bribe Thai and Malaysian officials and return to Malaysia.

The accusation against corrupt Malaysian officials is long standing and made frequently by refugees, human rights activists, opposition lawmakers and is even the subject of one official probe.

Malaysian television channels have also investigated and exposed the 'sale' of the Rohingya refugees on the Malaysia-Thai border, although they did not finger Malaysian officials for fear of reprisals.

US has sent teams to investigate

A US probe being conducted into the trafficking by the powerful Senate foreign relations committee has stimulated interest in the plight of Rohingyas when its findings are relayed to key US enforcement agencies and Interpol for possible action, Senate officials have said.

burmese groups protest unhcr 210109 poster 02''US Senate foreign relations committee staff are reviewing reports of extortion and human trafficking from Burmese and other migrants in Malaysia, allegedly at the hands of Malaysia government officials,'' a staff official told international news agencies in early January.

''The allegations include assertions that Burmese and other migrants - whether or not they have UNHCR documentation - are taken from Malaysian government detention facilities and transported to the Thailand-Malaysia border,'' the official had said.

At the border, they alleged, ''money is demanded from them, or they are turned over to human traffickers in southern Thailand''.

''If they pay, they return to Malaysia. If not, they are sold to traffickers,'' the official said, adding that teams had visited Malaysia, Thailand and Burma to collect evidence on the human trade.

prisoner immigrants behind bars 220605Some of the immigrants from Burma and other countries are refugees recognised by the office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) which has an office in Kuala Lumpur.

Since 1995, about 40,000 Rohingya refugees from Burma have been settled in the US, most of them after passing through Malaysia, while the emigration applications of thousands more have been rejected by third countries.

"They are left stranded, unable to return to Myanmar (official name for Burma) where they face certain persecution by the military regime and rejected from immigrating to third countries," said opposition lawmaker Charles Santiago who has raised their plight in parliament.

"They need urgent help and understanding of their plight," he said, urging Malaysia to sign UN refugee conventions and accord refugees due recognition. "We can no longer close our eyes to their plight."

Rais: Allegations ‘baseless and farfetched’


''We are trapped in a foreign country without papers and without recognition,'' said Habibur Rahman, general secretary of the Myanmar Ethnic Rohingya Human Rights Organisation Malaysia, an organisation that speaks for stateless Rohingyas in Malaysia.

''We have been looking for a way to escape this dilemma but without success,'' he said.

''We are denied citizenship and made stateless by the Myanmar military junta and persecuted and forced to flee to neighbouring countries like Thailand, Malaysia and Bangladesh,'' he said.

The involvement of the US Senate in the issue has upset Malaysian officials who have warned the U.S. to ''take their hands off'' the country, saying such action violated Malaysian sovereignty.

However, Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi has asked the US to pass on information pertaining to the allegations, saying the government does not tolerate extortion from migrants by officials.

''The US authorities have evidence we would be very thankful for, if they can pass the information to us for investigation and appropriate action,'' he told Bernama, the official news agency, on Jan 15.

suhakam religion culture conference 090906 rais yatim speakAn upset foreign minister Rais Yatim told local media on Jan 19 that the allegations were ''baseless, ridiculous and farfetched''.

''We are a civilised country. We are not living in barbaric times when people are sold off at the whims and fancies of people with power. It is certainly unfair of the US Senate to accuse us of doing such outrageous things,'' Rais said.

- IPS






Sunday, January 04, 2009

Walking the thin line...


'H O P E'.

What is hope?

Will another still be open for me?

Pray. Just pray.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Drawing a line in the sand....


Camerons - Bukit Larut - Penang - Alor Setar - Kangar
(27/12/08 - 03/01/09).


It's time.
Maybe somewhere among these stops,
I will find what is needed to still this heart again.

_______________________________________________

Lord, be with me.
Lead me and keep me safe as I endeavour to draw a line in the sand.


Lord, give me strength.
In my mind, a strong decision I hath made but regrets torment this fragile heart.

Lord, be my saviour.
Renew my life again. Let me breathe. Let me let go.

Lord, be my salvation.
Forgive me for my sins so that I can learn to forgive others who have sinned against me.

Hear my prayer, Lord. Hear my prayer.

Amen.

Monday, December 01, 2008

In memorial: Bacon and eggs with Twinky....

I have been using the analogy of 'bacon and eggs' (read: the chicken contributed but the pig was committed) for quite a number of times over these few days of past to describe the status quo of my relationship with Twinky. Well..., the former status quo, that is. For the relationship now too looks to be an event of the past.

Not that I'm venerable enough to qualify as a guru on the matters of the heart, or even life for that matter, but I do know that one does ripen with the passage of the moons and maybe due to this, I may be allowed my 15 minutes of infamous wisdom.

No, no, I'm not about to philosophize and start spinning out mouthfuls of yarn to bore you. So fret not. My ulterior motive is, however, to share with you a spot of cartoon wisdom with a touch of humor. Not altogether relational to the topic of my failed relationship with Twinky, and certainly not entirely all 'bacon and eggs' here but the alternative permutation of 'bacon and turkey ham'. Could have been the former too but having deduced from the speech pattern, I'm banking on the turkey being a male and it'd be too miraculous to ask of him to lay the eggs to complement the bacon. ; )

Enjoy!

(Note: Click on JPG for a better image.)

Ps. You know me as a blunt and transparent person who always speaks my mind, Twinky. So I will tell you that I'll never ever be sorry that I loved you. I'll always do....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

What I Wish At 2.00AM...

So what does one do when awoken at such un-Godly hours and unable to sleep again? Not that I minded coz it was she on the other end of the line. And even more so when it dawned on me that she only called coz she was thinking of me.

And so I write??? LOL! No.

What any 'real' person would do would be to then head to the kitchen to raid the fridge and make coffee. And more by accident (rather than by a moment of inspiration) does he decide then to try his hand at prose.

And this was the end product.


I wish there was no distance between us
And that we both lived in the same time zone
Under the same roof, sharing in one life.....

I wish our dating zone was not just Skype, endless text messaging
Or expensive long distance telephone calls
It's just not right to steal time this way for each other.....

I wish the world would learn that life is not meant to be dictated by man-made doctrines
And blinded not be it too by prejudices of differing faiths and conventions
So as not to judge but instead, to bear witness to the love we have...

[But at this hour, at 2.00 A.M. of this morning.....]

I wish most of all that what awoke me was not the ringing telephone
But that of your presence next to mine
That I have you to behold in my arms
As I lullaby you to sleep.....

I love you, Twinky.....

(Thursday, 23 October 2008)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

A very cheap shot at the Catholic church...

Received this joke over SMS a few minutes ago. Made me ROFLMAO.

A priest is very fond of his rooster and brood of hens. One day, the rooster goes missing. And that made the priest upset.

The next day in church, he asked everyone, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men in the congregation stood up.

"No, I mean has anybody seen a cock?"
Now all the women stood up.

"No, I mean has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.

"No!" he says angrily, "Has anybody seen my cock???"
All the choir boys stood up!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

SIU SEI NGOR..!!! (Canto for 'Laugh Die Me!!')...

Have been feeling a bit despondent lately.

Then I got this in the mail and it got me ROFLMAO. :D

If the resolution is NBG (no bloody good), just click on the 'SIU SEI NGOR' blogpost title for a better image.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

10 Ways To Win Over Future Parents-in-law

  1. Speak to them from the heart.
  2. Smile at everything they throw at you (even if they hate you to the bone).
  3. Shower all your love onto their daughter in front of them.
  4. Help future mother-in-law run errands (and take her side against future father-in-law, especially during arguments).
  5. Help future father-in-law change his flat tyre (but still take future mother-in-law's side during said arguments).
  6. Hold their daughter's 'twinky' in front of them just to rile them up.
  7. Learn how to speak in a funny 'dong' (ie. Indonesian) accent.
  8. Respect her parents (even if they treat you like a dog).
  9. Always P.U.S.H. (Pray until something happens).
  10. If 1 to 9 fails, then do either of the following:
  • Run away and elope with her. (If she's not agreeable, go to Plan B: kidnap her to a 3rd country. Then persuade her to elope.)
  • Wait with their daughter until you're both in your 60s before marrying. (It's okay. Time is definitely on your side.)

Monday, September 08, 2008

That April Fools' Day......

"No one knows how long a relationship will last.....but I think finding someone that can break into the heart is good enough a reason to pursue that relationship; regardless of not knowing what might come next."

A close friend in New Zealand uttered this to me just a short while ago and it caused a minor ripple of revelation within. Unsurprisingly, this has to do with the fact that I entered into a relationship with a young lady recently; a person whom I had fatefully gotten acquainted with during last April Fools' Day.

Be it a Fools' hoax or otherwise,
I have grown to adore her much since then. As is with all partnership relationships, there has been the obligatory dose of tumultuous twists and turns. Little wonder then that my hairy unshaven face was lined with a cynical smirk when George Michael crooned "Turn a different corner and we never would have met..." on the MP3 yesterday evening. What irony. Coz the truth was, that was it. We almost didn't make it.

Life's such a mystery. Sometimes things would seem to move along so well. It could be like a slow train chugging away towards its final stop. Otherwise, it could also appear in the form of the stark raving mad bull charging and zeroing in on its target. And then the unpredictable happens. A small pebble on the track or a 10-ton runaway truck could appear out of nowhere. The train derails. And the bull? Well, he'd be on his way to the meat market. Hehe.. ;)

Regardless, the point is this. That a freakish small deflection can often pervert the course of our entire lives. Just when you thought you own it all, when the world
looked solely to be your oyster, the train or the bull gets steered away at the last moment by another of Newton's Laws. What this translates to is that you'd have lost that moment. That one critical moment that would have defined how truly happy you could have lived. And I know what that's like. It's happened before. And though she ditched me and is now blissfully married and blessed with a superduper cute daughter, I bear her no ill will. On the contrary, we're still as close as we had previously been. Good friends.

Which is why I am certain that when she reads this, she too will be glad for me. Just weeks ago, she had voiced her concern over my lackadaisical attitude towards seeking a life partner. Well Butterfly, I finally did it. I found me a 'Twinky'. Happy now? I know I ecstatically am.

: )

Monday, July 28, 2008

Random nonsense...

In recent news, the following.
  1. ROBBERS DISPOSSES CHILDREN'S HOME OF VAN: Heard these guys drove away with the home's van with a lotta guilt. One of them kept saying, "I'm sorry". Thrice. It don't matter that they have a conscience but for crying out loud, go rob one of those unconscionable VIPs instead lah. Then at least don't have to apologise. ASSHOLES #1.
  2. PAS-UMNO TALKS: Mooted formation of a one race, one religion government for Selangor. Damn bastards at UMNO still stirring shit with the racial card. ASSHOLES #2.
  3. MCA MOOTS TALKS WITH DAP: Need one say more? ASSHOLES #3:
  4. KARPAL: SHOULD PAS BE ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN PAKATAN?: Good God. If you didn't like them, why 'marry' them in the first place? And now after 'consummation', you decry them over an issue that the enemy made. Hey dude, wake up! Ultimately, there was no betrayal. If you react (and over a non-happenstance), you're doing exactly what ASSHOLES #2 hopes that you would do. And now that you've come out and done it, that makes you ASSHOLE #4.
  5. MCA's LEE HWA BENG LOSES: Ah Beng finally lost. Yippee and hooray. Maybe now he'll shut the fuck up instead of talking cock through his blog. ASSHOLE #5.
Nonsense is all but it is.....

The Muse (Part 1 of ?? parts)

Tuesday, 1st July 2008:
T'was to be like any day, but not this day.
Tis' day, the muse go away.
Tho' short a time has been, flutter me heart, she did.
Joy ebbs, as surely as autumn leaves fall.


Interlude:
Chaotic noise. Be still, thy wanton heart.

Saturday, 5th July 2008:
T'was not to be like any day, but not this day.
Today tis' the day, mine heart I risk away.
T'was sole hope, I pray.

Alas, only false glory comes from false hopes.

Interlude: Hallowed silence. Wither, thy unworthy heart.

Wounded. Broken. Empty. The remains.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

What the fuck is happening to me??

It's not even 8.00am and I've already had my morning caffiene shot and come online. I had arrived in Kuching yesterday to bad weather and today's outlook don't seem to appear to be as promising as well. This may hamper the amount of work my rainforest co-conspirators and I have to execute on the ground over the next few days. What a drag.

I'm not in the best of forms either in body, spirit and soul. Over the last couple of weeks, it all started with a week of 'High'. That was when I was still holding onto that blasted key but thereafter when I lost it, the 'Low' began to creep in. Initially slowly but now gathering rapid pace, the physiological and emotional stress-load that's accumulating is taking its toll on me. Things are going haywire. I have not slept well for many days now. Just last night, the fatigue overtook me and I was finally able to fall asleep when it was one hour past midnight but the tossing and the turning then took center-stage and it hindered any chance I had at sound sleep. I finally gave up and wearliy climbed out of bed before the hour turned six.

All of these are debilitating and imparing me as a consequence. My senses are spinning around wildly like a Yo-Yo out of control. Everything I perceive seems to be accelerating on overdrive. If I do not exercise caution in handling this (and it's looking increasingly likely that I'm not), I may succumb and go over the edge. And throughout all of these, I have to tell myself to put my best foot forward because a lot of people are counting on me to deliver. To some, I am able to. To others, I can only pray for forgiveness for not being able to be fair to them.

Help me, my Lord God. I'm burning out. Save me.

Amen.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Lifeless: Day 02

I've been feeling a little low over the last couple of days. Desolation felt close. After the 'high' of the previous weekend, I suppose it was only natural for one to land with a loud thud when one hits ground zero after reality gives one a giant kick up the backside. So there's also a big "Ouch!" in there somewhere as well.

Coincidentally for an occasion like this, a Matt Redman song keeps resonating within me. I suppose I cannot fault it's timing as I wallowed in such poignant times. The opening goes like this.

"Jesus, I could sing
In the tongues of men and angels
But if I have not love
I am just a clanging cymbal, and empty sound..."

What's this suppose to mean for a soul as wretched as mine? What indeed?

I have not attended church for two Sabbaths now. I got distracted. I became wayward too. I made the mistake of giving in to the weakness of the flesh. And for that, I have to pay the price of penance now. I also made the mistake of thinking that I was adequately strong to stand on my own. As oft is the case, I was wrong. Individual strength cannot possibly measure up to that which we have when we choose to live with God by on our side. And therein, lies my dilemma. Like a fool chasing the rainbow, I had allowed myself to be led away by sordid worldly lures.

"I should have just thrown away the stupid key..." is a sentence that endlessly echoes in my mind.

Forgive me, Abba. Take me home please. I need you. I really do.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

To the Rainforest Music Fest, Kuching, Sarawak, 11th - 13th July 2008

Though ground preps are not exactly all in place yet, it looks like I'll still be hopping on that jetplane to Kuching in the middle of the week for some back-to-back work assignments. By all counts, this should be a pretty fun work trip as the first assignment involves being at the Rainforest World Music Festival 2008 in Santubong from the 11th - 13th July.

Quite an opportune time for me to go away anyway. Things are getting a little too heated up for me here. A change of scenery will do me good. At least I won't have to ponder over one of the mysteries of the universe. To be or not to be; to accept or to decline; to be faithful to the Lord's instructions or to be absolutely disobedient; and for the finale, to keep or to throw away that stupid key that unlocks that idiotic box of mine that houses an even more idiotic 'something inside of me' dilemma.

Damn, what the heck did I just warbled about in the last para? Wahahahahaaaaa...!

Can't share much with you on what the gang and I will be up to for the Rainforest thingy or about what weaponry we have up our sleeves except to say that we'll have to deploy guerilla warfare tactics for some of our activities. Suffice it to say that we do enjoy very, very much being a pain-in-the-butt for Abdul Taib Mahmud and co. Up yours, mate!

As an aside, please pray that I don't get arrested along the process though. Heh. ; )

I can show you this though....


and this....


His Kingdom come and His WILL will be done. AMEN!