Monday, July 28, 2008

Random nonsense...

In recent news, the following.
  1. ROBBERS DISPOSSES CHILDREN'S HOME OF VAN: Heard these guys drove away with the home's van with a lotta guilt. One of them kept saying, "I'm sorry". Thrice. It don't matter that they have a conscience but for crying out loud, go rob one of those unconscionable VIPs instead lah. Then at least don't have to apologise. ASSHOLES #1.
  2. PAS-UMNO TALKS: Mooted formation of a one race, one religion government for Selangor. Damn bastards at UMNO still stirring shit with the racial card. ASSHOLES #2.
  3. MCA MOOTS TALKS WITH DAP: Need one say more? ASSHOLES #3:
  4. KARPAL: SHOULD PAS BE ALLOWED TO REMAIN IN PAKATAN?: Good God. If you didn't like them, why 'marry' them in the first place? And now after 'consummation', you decry them over an issue that the enemy made. Hey dude, wake up! Ultimately, there was no betrayal. If you react (and over a non-happenstance), you're doing exactly what ASSHOLES #2 hopes that you would do. And now that you've come out and done it, that makes you ASSHOLE #4.
  5. MCA's LEE HWA BENG LOSES: Ah Beng finally lost. Yippee and hooray. Maybe now he'll shut the fuck up instead of talking cock through his blog. ASSHOLE #5.
Nonsense is all but it is.....

The Muse (Part 1 of ?? parts)

Tuesday, 1st July 2008:
T'was to be like any day, but not this day.
Tis' day, the muse go away.
Tho' short a time has been, flutter me heart, she did.
Joy ebbs, as surely as autumn leaves fall.

Chaotic noise. Be still, thy wanton heart.

Saturday, 5th July 2008:
T'was not to be like any day, but not this day.
Today tis' the day, mine heart I risk away.
T'was sole hope, I pray.

Alas, only false glory comes from false hopes.

Interlude: Hallowed silence. Wither, thy unworthy heart.

Wounded. Broken. Empty. The remains.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

What the fuck is happening to me??

It's not even 8.00am and I've already had my morning caffiene shot and come online. I had arrived in Kuching yesterday to bad weather and today's outlook don't seem to appear to be as promising as well. This may hamper the amount of work my rainforest co-conspirators and I have to execute on the ground over the next few days. What a drag.

I'm not in the best of forms either in body, spirit and soul. Over the last couple of weeks, it all started with a week of 'High'. That was when I was still holding onto that blasted key but thereafter when I lost it, the 'Low' began to creep in. Initially slowly but now gathering rapid pace, the physiological and emotional stress-load that's accumulating is taking its toll on me. Things are going haywire. I have not slept well for many days now. Just last night, the fatigue overtook me and I was finally able to fall asleep when it was one hour past midnight but the tossing and the turning then took center-stage and it hindered any chance I had at sound sleep. I finally gave up and wearliy climbed out of bed before the hour turned six.

All of these are debilitating and imparing me as a consequence. My senses are spinning around wildly like a Yo-Yo out of control. Everything I perceive seems to be accelerating on overdrive. If I do not exercise caution in handling this (and it's looking increasingly likely that I'm not), I may succumb and go over the edge. And throughout all of these, I have to tell myself to put my best foot forward because a lot of people are counting on me to deliver. To some, I am able to. To others, I can only pray for forgiveness for not being able to be fair to them.

Help me, my Lord God. I'm burning out. Save me.


Monday, July 07, 2008

Lifeless: Day 02

I've been feeling a little low over the last couple of days. Desolation felt close. After the 'high' of the previous weekend, I suppose it was only natural for one to land with a loud thud when one hits ground zero after reality gives one a giant kick up the backside. So there's also a big "Ouch!" in there somewhere as well.

Coincidentally for an occasion like this, a Matt Redman song keeps resonating within me. I suppose I cannot fault it's timing as I wallowed in such poignant times. The opening goes like this.

"Jesus, I could sing
In the tongues of men and angels
But if I have not love
I am just a clanging cymbal, and empty sound..."

What's this suppose to mean for a soul as wretched as mine? What indeed?

I have not attended church for two Sabbaths now. I got distracted. I became wayward too. I made the mistake of giving in to the weakness of the flesh. And for that, I have to pay the price of penance now. I also made the mistake of thinking that I was adequately strong to stand on my own. As oft is the case, I was wrong. Individual strength cannot possibly measure up to that which we have when we choose to live with God by on our side. And therein, lies my dilemma. Like a fool chasing the rainbow, I had allowed myself to be led away by sordid worldly lures.

"I should have just thrown away the stupid key..." is a sentence that endlessly echoes in my mind.

Forgive me, Abba. Take me home please. I need you. I really do.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

To the Rainforest Music Fest, Kuching, Sarawak, 11th - 13th July 2008

Though ground preps are not exactly all in place yet, it looks like I'll still be hopping on that jetplane to Kuching in the middle of the week for some back-to-back work assignments. By all counts, this should be a pretty fun work trip as the first assignment involves being at the Rainforest World Music Festival 2008 in Santubong from the 11th - 13th July.

Quite an opportune time for me to go away anyway. Things are getting a little too heated up for me here. A change of scenery will do me good. At least I won't have to ponder over one of the mysteries of the universe. To be or not to be; to accept or to decline; to be faithful to the Lord's instructions or to be absolutely disobedient; and for the finale, to keep or to throw away that stupid key that unlocks that idiotic box of mine that houses an even more idiotic 'something inside of me' dilemma.

Damn, what the heck did I just warbled about in the last para? Wahahahahaaaaa...!

Can't share much with you on what the gang and I will be up to for the Rainforest thingy or about what weaponry we have up our sleeves except to say that we'll have to deploy guerilla warfare tactics for some of our activities. Suffice it to say that we do enjoy very, very much being a pain-in-the-butt for Abdul Taib Mahmud and co. Up yours, mate!

As an aside, please pray that I don't get arrested along the process though. Heh. ; )

I can show you this though....

and this....

His Kingdom come and His WILL will be done. AMEN!